Diary of a sankwas girl

What a week it has been! 

I can't remember the last time I felt so frustrated. I can't even get into it, I'm channelling my inner calm and pressing unto the future lol.

Some weeks everything just gets on top of you- or maybe you just allow it to. Things that wouldn't normally make you emotional suddenly get the better of you, is that just a woman thing?

I recently found out that someone who used to be really special to me has just gotten engaged. Weirdest feeling, for many reasons- another girl thing. I'm really happy where I am........it's not even about the what ifs- it's just memories of the past. It's always so easy to second guess yourself, almost ask why you weren't good enough......... but like I said, it's been one of those weeks.

Whenever the going gets tough and I can't change the situation I try to change my attitude to the situation. I'm giving it time. Time to re affirm to myself that I'm worth it, that I don't have to second guess myself.

Insecurity is not cute. There's nothing attractive about self pity. Keep going, what's meant for you will be for you.

x

Diary of a Sankwas girl

WhatsApp group chats will be my demise! Lol, there's nothing quite like catching up with your peers from Law School to make you realise you're sleeping on all your goals. My mid twenties have been an eye opener. I've never been as self-aware and yet so confused about what my actual purpose is.

The world puts so much pressure on you to have it all figured out by 25...... by 26 you're pulling your hair out in despair. Don't even get me started on marriage pressure from parents and family. I've reassured myself that it's okay to not have it all figured out all at once.

So back to this whatsApp group, everyone was talking about what they were up to and quite frankly it was all very impressive and it just made me think about how I've been stuck in a rut, feeling like there's so much more I could be doing. You know the whole cliche of 'do a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life?' yea that shit. It's been ringing in my ears since late last year.

I like to joke that I have 'alcohol induced psychosis' (well not really a joke) and every now and again on a night out I'll make a plan to quit my job come Monday and buy a plane ticket somewhere, finish my book, write another......... the list is endless. Come Sunday morning, post hangover of course I'm headbutted into reality and the dreams become just that..... dreams.

In the spirit of being okay not having it all figured out, the aim is to get by this week..........auto pilot if you will. I can't expect that life will just nudge me where I want to be- but its okay, tomorrow I'll wake up and be me, Helen, 26 and confused............and that's okay :)