Diary of a sankwas girl

Sometimes you find yourself doing things for the hell of it. Going through the motions they call it. Auto pilot, cruising..... you catch my drift. It's so easy to get caught up in the routine of life, the 'just doing' aspect. The flip side to being so overly aware that you're going through the motions is that you try so hard to not do that and you over complicate things. Well I do. I almost feel like I need to do something huge and crazy to prove that I'm not like the masses just waking up, earning a living, going home, making dinner etc.

In actual fact, the pressure to not go through the motions makes me more anxious. Which isn't always a bad thing, because I've come to almost accept anxiety, but it just makes you feel like 'something has to give'. These days my love life (or lack there of) is the bane of my existence. Trying to unravel all the complicated webs I've woven is not only daunting but exhausting. I kid you not when I say I fall in love everyday. I'm addicted to going back to the past even when I've convinced myself it is the selfish thing to do. I'm in a weird 'have I made the right decision/do I want to date/am I doomed' loop. It's making me loopy. But I digress. If you're on auto pilot it's really not the be all and end all of life. By all means drag yourself out of cruise control but don't force it. Baby steps- you're the pilot.