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FEMINISM IMPROVED MY SEX LIFE

 If you’re not seeing the words Feminist or Feminism pop up at least 5 times a day somewhere in your life, chances are you’re not on twitter (good life decision if you enjoy your sanity) or you possibly live under a rock.

I’ll admit that before twitter education (yes, education, there’s more to twitter than twerk videos and the daily celebrity dragging) I was naïve in what I understood Feminism to be. The closest I’d gotten to the subject was a rather lacklustre college piece centered around why women deserve to be paid the same as their male counter parts in the work place. Nonetheless I was on the right track, I understood that society had very unfavorable ideas as to what women could and could not do and that something had to give.

I’ve seen a lot of people in very recent times describe Feminism as a sort of futile yet radical movement aimed at simply giving women the permission to ‘free the nipple’. They sometimes describe it as a group of crazy women propelling extremist propaganda which revolves around demonizing the male species. I myself used to think Feminists were simply put ‘very angry women’, and to be honest they should be, look at the world we live in!

For a long time, I was happy to exist in a world where patriarchy ruled even if deep down I knew it wasn’t fair. I was happy to exist in a world where women feeling liberated was frowned upon and women having autonomy over their own bodies, lives and views was unacceptable.

Feminism has however allowed me unlearn a lot if ideas which meant that for a long time I lived happily in a situation where I didn’t feel as though my voice was important or mattered. Feminism has empowered me to view my life, my body and my views as my own- free to do with it as I please.

Feminism has allowed me to enjoy sex because

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A Weekend with LouRatizdo!

This weekend we celebrated birthday girl Ashley’s birthday in style- literally her style! As part owner of the glitzy brand LouRatizdo Ashely thought it would be the perfect gift for everyone to rock out in her brand. All tops pictured are from LouRatizdo, check them out here: http://thenightoftheyear.com/

LIVING FOR 5PM

Before the clock hits 5pm you are lethargic, not motivated and just plain over it. The clock strikes 5 pm and suddenly you’re filled with renewed excitement and zeal…. well where the heck did that all energy come from?

I work a 9-5 and I’m the first to admit that I am a certified pay check slave and I live for 5pm. Whilst I love my job and my boss I’m currently suffering severe career envy and looking forward to the day 5 pm isn’t and escape number.

The saying ‘find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life’ is one that

WHY YOUR PARENTS ARE FULL OF SHIT

‘When I was your age I was a straight A student, I never got into trouble and I listened to everything my parents said.’ If you grew up in a Ghanaian household you’ve probably heard this one before. Hell you’ve probably heard this one before regardless of your background.

I grew up definitely thinking my parents were excellent at school (which in my dad’s case was pretty accurate), were virgins until marriage (sorry mum and dad I call bullshit on this one) and never got into trouble. Pretty big boots to fill if you ask me!

That meant exam result days and report card days for me were extremely anxious times and I panicked at the thought of yet another lecture about how dedicated and wonderful my parents were at life. Whilst I was allowed to explore my creative side most of the time the thought that the only way to make it in life was to get good grades at school, find a ‘good’ job and get married was embedded into my soul.

My battles with hating certain subjects at school, self-esteem issues being curious about sex were battles I thought were peculiar to me. I was the fuck up. If my parents who came from nothing could knuckle down and make a great life then it was only natural that I did too, being that they gave me everything. ‘To whom much is given…’ and all that jazz.

HOW TO GET YOUR MOJO BACK!

I'm not feeling it. My moods yo yo so violently sometimes it's pretty scary. Looking back at this picture definitely makes me feel good. I'd been vegan for about 2 or 3 months, I'd had a colonic that morning( sorry for the TMI), my ex was texting, work was going great- I was feeling myself. Fast forward to tonight on this train in the frumpiest sweater i own, it feels like a 

different me.

Do you ever think back to your 'feeling yoself' moments and long for that feeling? Wish you could transport yourself Back to that time, bottle all that swag sauce (don't judge me) and bring it back with you ? I know I do.

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My Calves are fire

Wouldn’t it be perfect if we could feel confident every day? If we didn’t need a constant top up of motivation and didn’t need our friends and family to remind us of our worth (that’s if they even do that in the first place).

Wouldn’t it be oh so fucking splendid if we felt fabulous all the damn time no matter what we wore or how we wore it. Wouldn’t it be so wonderful to not have to think about the rolls on our backs or cellulite and stretch marks and in grown hairs.

How amazing would it be to just put on any dress you fancied and feel great it in it, not a care in the world about how short, how tight or how flattering that shit was. How soothing would it be if you didn’t have to worry about whether or not people ‘got you’ or your personality? How much easier it would be if friendships and relationships didn’t constantly feel like a fucking audition?

Truth is we don’t live in a perfect world. The pressures of being a woman young trying to make it in this big bad world can be over whelming. Confidence is fleeting and even on a good day you may need to top up that confidence and that sass.

But how wonderful could it be if that world existed in your mind. A world created by you where you feel confident every day, one where a boost from family and friends was merely an echo of what you already know to be true.

I felt like trash this weekend for

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A VERY KENTE AFFAIR

For many Ghanaians the Traditional wedding ceremony, commonly referred to as the ‘engagement’ is in many ways just as important if not more important than a church or civil wedding. Typically, the groom’s family present the bride and her family with gifts and prior to that there would have been some sort of ‘knocking’ meaning her hand in marriage has already been accepted by her father.

In modern day Ghana your traditional wedding is a perfect time to get the families together, your best friends wear traditional gear and everyone celebrates the union of the couple. Of course there’s always lots of food and dancing, what’s a Ghanaian party without food and dancing?

Click ‘read more’ for more pics….

NIMZ'S RATCHET HEN NIGHT

I can't believe its been over 2 week's since we put together this very crazy hen do for one of my best mate's Anima. From the ever present willy straws at every hen night to melt downs at mid night it was definitely a night to remember!

Click 'read more' for more pics.....

PAYDAY WISHLIST!

WHAT WOULD I TELL A YOUNGER ME?

I don’t particularly like the idea of going back in time because I’m not sure that I want to change anything because quite frankly what if you just made things worse by altering what would have been the natural course of events to the best possible outcome of your life?

If I could however go back in time and give my younger self any advice it would be to forgive myself. I’ve always felt that I spent a lot of time in my early twenties beating myself up for human mistakes and ultimately punishing myself by simply existing and not fully living. I would however commend myself for pushing through on some very dark days and never staying down too long.

I would definitely tell myself (and forgive me for quoting charlamagne tha god’s father) that ‘you’re never as bad as they say and you’re never as good as they say’. I would tell a younger me this in attempts to stifle that ever demanding need I had growing up to live up to other people’s expectations.

I would tell a younger me that you don’t have to audition for a man’s love. You can be the prettiest, funniest and most energetic woman ever but you can’t force chemistry and you shouldn’t. I would most certainly tell a younger me sex isn’t something a man takes from you and there is no shame in being a sexual being. I would tell the younger me reading Cosmos ‘top thirty tips on finding your dream man’ is a ton of BS.

I would tell my younger self that your circle does indeed get smaller the older you get. That it’s okay to fight with your ride or die friends but ultimately people who care about you won’t let you down. I would also remind myself that sometimes I am the biggest dickhead and saying sorry is the grown woman thing to so when you mess up.

Maybe I would tell my younger

Finding time for Passion

I’ll admit the anxiety of feeling overwhelmed sometimes means I don’t do all the things I really want to do. I spend an overwhelming amount of time in bed some months because the thought of actually doing stuff is exhausting. I juggle my time between exercise, a full time job, spending time with friends and family and blogging and vlogging.

The daily struggle of competing wants and needs means sometimes the things I love the most have to take a back seat. I would love to be way more creative, take my camera out more try out different things and ultimately pursue all my passions.

I’ve found myself on the ever familiar ‘what do I want to do with my life’ merry -go-round but I’m confident I will find a way to make time for my passions and make it what I want and need it to be. I used to love entering writing competitions and submitting articles for blogs and websites and I certainly don’t do that enough and that’s something I’m definitely going to change.

In light with pursuing my passions I’m definitely hoping to be more confident in articulating what I want and working on my skills. Kind of like that ‘taking back the power’ post I wrote.

In short I want to make time to do all the shit that I love and do it with absolute confidence. Exercise more, do new things with friends, play with my nephews more, get more creative, vlog and blog more.

How do you find time for your passions?

Body Positivity- Have we lost the plot?

To say that the relatively new body positive trend is a sensitive topic would be an understatement! From what I gather the premise of body positivity involves loving and accepting your body at any size; slim, overweight, thick, chunky, whatever you want to call it. The hash tag #bodyPosi is everywhere and some people are of the opinion that this is a promotion of obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle.

We are all aware that there is a cookie cutter standard of what main stream media considers beautiful and this definitely has to change. One man’s or woman’s meat is another man’s poison. We all can’t see ‘beauty’ in the same way and we don’t. Being body positive to me means loving your type of beauty and loving your size no matter what that looks like and no matter the size.

Now health and being slim are not synonymous. Health does come in many forms and does look like many different body types.  Overweight and obese people do not have to be shamed in society; they are not disgusting, not vile and not an embarrassment. Yes, the world is in the throes of an epidemic which is killing us, our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and our kids. We definitely have a responsibility to help each other, but where does help turn into hate and ridicule and where does body positivity turn into complacency and what some may consider turning a blind eye to a serious issue.

Very often when overweight or obese (usually) women post pictures on social media to talk about being body positive they are met with ridicule and quite harsh criticism about promoting obesity and disease. I often wonder if these people really care or in fact it is any of our business.

Are they concerned because they believe obesity is draining their country’s resources on funding conditions and health issues that are avoidable (I doubt that) or are they concerned that ‘being fat’ is the new thing and that it shouldn’t be. I don’t always believe that people really actually care. I feel like there’s usually some underlying feeling of being ‘better’ …. that feeling of ‘look I have self-control and you don’t’. That human desire to feel better about yourself by putting someone else down.

As outrageous as people like Nicole Arbour (Dear Fat People video) can be in their views on ‘Fat people’, I believe this mirrors exactly what society is thinking and feeling. I don’t think condescending advice does anything for body positivity, I think it’s quite uplifting that people don’t want to embrace media standards of beauty any longer and are more comfortable and confident in their own skin but I also think it’s important to not forget that although healthy looks different on everyone

Ultimately I call bullshit on anti-body positive protesters screaming ‘Ewww’ at the new wave of body confident individuals who have taken to the internet to spread fat acceptance. There is so much more to being a human being than a number on a scale and what you look like. If we spent more time unravelling the many layers of being human we will find that there’s so much more going on, so many other things to be ‘out raged’ about. For me being body positive means embracing my body in its entirety and reminding myself that I am worthy, beautiful and important. Being body positive for me includes treating my body with respect, the measure for which is my PERSONAL decision and mine alone.

FAMILY FUN DAY!

A few weeks ago Afrobeats Karaoke and Niche Entertainment teamed up with the mental health charity M.I.N.D to put together a family fun day to raise awareness about mental health and of course for some family fun and great food!

Good Afternoon West London!

Tips for feeling good!

Today's world is stressful and in the pursuit of making a living, staying afloat and in fact staying alive period, it's easy to see why so many of us neglect to properly take care of ourselves. Here are a few of my top tips for feeling good!

EAT A GOOD BREAKFAST

Nothing beats starting your day off with a nice hearty breakfast to fuel the mind and body. I always opt for a good balance of fat protein and carbs and find that a bowl of porridge with nuts and fruit sets me up nicely. It helps stave off cravings for high fat and processed foods.

EXERCISE

Exercise helps to release feel good hormones that make us happier and less stressed. I find a lot of comfort in working up a good sweat at the gym or sometimes just by taking a walk. Find an activity that you love and do it with a friend or even by yourself. Get ready to bask in a pool of serotonin and endorphin!

QUIET TIME

Make time for yourself  and by this i don't mean hours double tapping Instagram posts! Put your phone away, turn off the telly and try a digital detox. A lot of the stresses of the world are documented on social media and in 2016 you're only clicks away from being bombarded by the latest tragedy. All this definitely has an effect on us and every now and again it can be refreshing to switch off. Maybe indulge in some mediation, reading a book (hard copy for nostalgia)  or simply relax at home.

SPEND TIME WITH LOVED ONES

Nothing quite beats a chin wag with your best mates. Plan a day out dedicating to lots of laughs. If nights out on the town stress you out switch it up. Opt for something different. Stay in, stream a film or just a brew a few cups of tea and prepare to LOL.

Taking care of your well-being is paramount. It's always important that you put yourself first and not overwhelm yourself. Sometimes generic cosmo style tips simply don't work, sometimes simply taking a walk or hanging with friends isn't something you feel quite up to- and that's okay. Take baby steps and feel free to try new things as often as you can and as often as you feel like it! 

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

I woke up in the middle of the night like I usually do most nights when I go to bed stressed out- spluttering, in a state of confusion and terrified. Terrified because I know what’s happening and I feel powerless to stop it, terrified because I’m not sure if I need an ambulance or not and terrified because I just don’t know when it will end. I got out of be, opened my window and let the wave of panic pas. In about ten minutes the 'episode' was over.

I don’t like to admit that I’ve always been an anxious person but I have. I can vividly remember the first time I learnt that all human beings will eventually die, I was about 8 or 9 at the time (I'm pretty sure I've shared this story too many times forgive me). I remember it mostly because of how bluntly my sister put it (mainly because she’d been asked to supervise my bath time and I wouldn’t stop mucking about). I was confused and scared and anxious for days. That’s probably one of my earliest memories of being so overwhelmed with panic it manifested itself physically- I simply couldn’t sleep, I thought about it for days and I felt sick to my stomach.

Now I’m not some tortured soul kept awake at night by the workings of my immensely creative mind. I'm far from that, and actually I take a comfort (selfishly) in the fact that we all suffer from some sort of anxiety at some stage in life. The degrees and the way this anxiety manifests of course varies from person to person but it’s more common than you could imagine.

It’s not at all shameful to admit that you are worried. Worried about life, anxious about tomorrow, your family, your mortality. It happens to the best of us, the rest of us- to all of us. I’m still learning to cope with panic attacks and anxiety- I know that it can be truly terrifying business but I also take comfort in knowing this too shall pass. The crippling seconds, minutes, hours shall pass.

I’ve tried things like relaxing before bed, tapping and breathing exercises which have worked well at different times to calm me down. Of course speaking with an expert is always a wonderful idea. Sometimes it can make you feel alone, like you’re going crazy, take a deep breath- This too shall pass~ Namaste

Take the L

Mate listen, sometimes you fall flat on your face and I’m not going to add ‘and that’s okay’, because guess what sometimes it’s not. It’s shit when life hands you shit cards.

Sometimes you fail in life and its downright embarrassing and it may take a while to recover from a setback. Sometimes you take a massive blow to your ego at work, in your love life or even with your family and you try and suck it up like ‘I got this’- nah my G, sometimes you haven’t got it and that’s what’s okay- accepting that you can’t control everything.

Admitting that we are all human and prone to fucking up big time actually reduces the L. It’s a humbling experience when life slaps you on the bollocks. Own your L, learn from it and keep it moving. You can’t always be the hero- every story needs a jackass of some sort and sometimes it’s you~ Namaste

Moving on

Songs that remind you of them, an abundance of selfies on your mobile and friends you both now have joint custody of…. The demise of any relationship is never fun now is it? Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, finally saying adios to a romantic relationship can leave you feeling weird and displaced.

Everyone handles break ups differently- whilst some of us wallow in self-pity (and all our favourite snacks) others suddenly find that inner vim to do more, go out there and live life leaving all the ‘anguish’ in the dust.

It’s safe to say break ups are a complex thing and not one I have any qualifications to help with. I have a plethora of failed romances under my belt and my romantic decisions often leave my friends thinking ‘what the fuck Helen?’.

What has evolved and has made me feel better about failed attempts at dating, love and relationships is how I move on from them. I remember a particularly bad break up in 2010 which saw me drastically lose weight and put it back on all in one year. I went from not being able to sleep to thinking ‘do I even want to be here?’ (here being this planet! - YIKES).

Fast forward to the present and it’s a somewhat different story. I’ve found dealing with break ups and ‘this isn’t working’ chats (even when I’ve been the dumpee) much easier to deal with.  I talked about reclaiming your ‘POWER’ in my previous post and I really feel like this all ties together.

Sometimes you leave a relationship because you’re simply unhappy, try as you may things just don’t get better and the line between love and hate gets even thinner. Sometimes you’re left broken hearted because your significant other decides this is just not what they want, maybe you get cheated on or lied to. In any case reclaiming the power of SELF is a sure way to look beyond the hurt and the guilt. Reclaiming the power that makes you no longer want to feel like shit.

Find comfort in friends and family, do things you enjoy, put yourself first, be a little selfish and for the love of GOD don’t feel the need to pretend all is well if you’re truly not well. Speak to someone you trust and someone who allows you to get things off your chest. Heartbreak is a bitch but life must be lived, claim back that power to heal and don’t be afraid to move on~ Namaste.

Taking back the power

I turned 28 this year and it was almost as if a light switch had gone off in my head. I suddenly felt more confident, sexier, braver and more powerful. I kept telling everyone I felt different, I felt good and powerful.

I don’t think I’ve ever really used the word powerful to describe myself and honestly It felt good to be using that word. I had suddenly made a conscious decision to do things that I love and make me feel good and to discard all the shit that didn’t make me feel good. I found that a lot of anxiety I suffered with came from constantly doing things that didn’t ‘feel like me’ or things that didn’t come from my heart. I was basically doing the same old shit and getting…yup you guessed it, the same old shitty results. It was time to switch It up and give myself the upper hand.

I still have shit days, days where I don’t feel powerful at all, days where I feel helpless to change how I feel but I try and remind myself to reclaim that power! Can I get an Amen! I take back that power from thoughts of self-doubt, worry and anxiety.

If you ever feel any less powerful than you deserve to feel take back that power. Reclaim it by any means necessary and as often as necessary. Take back that power from people who make you feel insecure or unlovable or less valued. Take back the power when it comes to the way you feel, your health, your mental well-being. Take back that power period.

Feel free to bask in your power. Learn to say NO to the things that don’t enhance your being. You are strong and you are powerful ~ Namaste

GERALDINE'S SPARKLY 25TH!

Diary Of a Sankwas Girl- Destination Addiction

I very recently discovered ‘destination addiction’. I say very recently because up until now I didn’t quite realize there was a term for it- made up or not, it suddenly made sense to me.

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve thought ‘I will be happy when….’ or in fact how many times I’ve said it. ‘I will be happy when I lose 25 lbs’, ‘I will be happy when my boyfriend and I sort things out’, ‘I will be happy when my hair grows out’. And the list goes on and on.

Don’t get me wrong I still do it now- believe that happiness is a destination, that somehow it’s never truly where I am. It’s in a place where quite frankly things are perfect and rosy. Its normal to feel anxious for instance before an exam or work deadline and then be relieved and happy when it’s done, however putting life on hold because you’re waiting for perfect conditions is unhealthy and really no way to live- Note to self.

I put off things like getting a PT certificate because I was waiting to lose 25lbs- still haven’t trained for that PT certificate and shhhhh about the 25lbs. I was constantly waiting for perfect conditions to do things, waiting for that perfect destination where happiness was waiting for me. It’s taking a lot of time and a lot of convincing myself that I can choose to be happy where I am now, not 25lbs lighter, single, struggling to save up money for all my dreams. I no longer have to wait to be in a relationship to be happy, to have a hefty bank account or be a certain size.

Not every day is as positive as this one, But I remind myself constantly that it will all be okay. I’ve relaunched my fitness website, I’m not waiting to be a certain size to post my ‘outfit of the day’ and I’m embracing each day whatever life throws at me. If happiness is a destination then it’s right here, right now, where I am~ Namaste.

Sunday Vibes